The Way Things Go
by Anonymous033
Summary: A series of short scenes based on prompts; mainly focused on interaction rather than plot.
1. Case File

**Summary: A series of fics with no real plot; a look into the team's life at NCIS.**

**Disclaimer: Bellisario, since I don't get to own NCIS, do I get to own the fake elevator in the fake NCIS building? No? Do I get to pull the fake emergency brakes? Not even that? You make me sad.**

**Spoilers: General**

**Okay, so here's how things go. xangels creationx and I were having a conversation when I randomly decided to come up with a scene where all the characters were interacting in the way that they do on NCIS (for example, see below). She enjoyed it, and advised me to publish it. So here it is, the first instalment of the series. If I get positive feedback, I will continue the series. I hope you enjoy!**

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**The Way Things Go**

**Prompt: Gibbs is in a bad temper because the team is unable to find a case file. (by xangels creationx on FFN)**

They can feel the irritation radiating off him the moment he walks into the bullpen, and they bite their lips in guilt. It's technically their fault, really.

He rounds on McGee first, icy blue eyes boring holes into the Probie. "Where is the case file?"

"Uh…uh…I can't find it, Boss."

Gibbs is silent, although the way his irritation level rises is almost _visible_.

"It is not McGee's fault, Gibbs," Ziva cuts in. "Tony lost the case file."

"Way to take sides, Ziva," Tony says in annoyance.

"DiNozzo, you gonna come up with that case file now?"

"But we just solved the case, Boss!" Tony protests, which gets him nothing but a slap on the back of his head. "On it, Boss," he says meekly, and hurries off to find the case file.

"Tony is right, though. We _did_ solve the case."

"I ask you for your opinion, Ziva?" Ziva heads off to help Tony, and the silver-haired man turns his glare back upon the remaining junior agent. "McGee!"

"Yes, Boss!"

"You let those two bully you like that again, I'll have your badge."

"Yes, Boss."

"Go help them find that damn file! And you clowns better have found it before I get back!" Gibbs yells after their retreating backs, before turning himself towards Abby's lab.

xoxo

"Hey, Abs."

"Gibbs!" The raven-haired girl turns around with a smile, only to look disappointed as she takes in the person before her. "Ooh, I don't see any Caf-Pow! Hey, Tony left the case file here earlier; I was wondering if you could bring it up to him?" She waves her hand in the general direction of the case file on her lab table.

Gibbs gapes disbelievingly. "You mean it was here all along?" He takes up the file, growling.

"Yeah! Why, something wrong?" She watches in dismay as her boss strides off. "But Gibbs, I want my Caf-Pow!"

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**End scene! If anyone has any suggestions or prompts, feel free to leave a review! Please play nice, though. :)**

**-_Soph_**

**Update: The Chapter One format has been changed to facilitate easier reading.**


	2. Prank

**Like the first chapter, this is focused more on the interaction than the plot, so the description is intentionally left simple. Enjoy, and please review! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter!**

**-_Soph_**

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**Prompt: Tony and McGee find Ziva asleep at her desk and decide to prank her. (by xangels creationx on FFN)**

It is a matter of course, that when Tony and McGee see a certain gun-wielding Ninja asleep at her desk with her head in her arms, they have to start plotting away immediately.

"She's asleep, Probie," Tony says quietly to his sidekick.

"An invitation to be pranked," McGee agrees.

"Who's gonna do it?"

"You do it."

Tony looks at McGee incredulously. "Why me?"

"Because you're the senior field agent. _You're_ the one who's supposed to be doing all the pranking."

"Admit it, you just can't think of any ideas. Okay, fine. Watch this." Tony unzips his backpack and pulls out a container from which he extracts a brown-coloured rubber worm. "Ziva ever confess a fear of worms to you, Probie?"

"No."

"Well, she did to me. And now she's gonna regret it."

"You carry a rubber worm around in your backpack just in case you get the chance to prank her? You really think about her too often."

"I beg to differ, because now I get to do this." He leans forward to drop the worm down the back of Ziva's neck.

Her arm shoots up and catches hold of his wrist before he can so much as blink. "Tony!" she growls warningly without even moving her head.

He is unfazed. "Oh, hey! Good morning, Ziva. Care to look up?"

She cautiously opens her eyes and peers up at his hand, and the worm is a mere few inches from her face. She leaps back, causing her chair to crash into the bookshelves behind her.

He grins wickedly and slowly moves his hand towards her. "What, scared of a little worm?"

She presses into the bookshelves behind, trying desperately to find a way to escape. "Go awa – Tony, it is a fake worm!" She scowls angrily at him.

"But it was still fun watching you jump." McGee pipes in with a satisfied smile.


	3. Nutter Butter

**Here goes! I haven't been updating this series lately because I DO tend to play favourites with my fics, and I lean heavily towards the Tiva side. Haha. Here's a bit of team fic to balance it up.^^**

**As a refresher course, this story is simply a series of scenes where the focus is on team interaction and the descriptions are deliberately left simple. They are based on prompts given by others, so please feel free to give me some!  
**

**Hope you enjoy, and as always, please review!**

**-_Soph_**

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**Prompt: McGee eats Ziva's Nutter Butter while she's working the field with Gibbs. (by cukooKAM on Youtube)**

"Probie, what are you doing?"

The voice comes from behind McGee, and makes him jump. He turns around guiltily to face Tony. "I was just...uh...I was looking for something."

"At Ziva's desk?" Tony asks sceptically. "You were looking for something at Ziva's desk?"

"There was some unfiled paperwork..."

The senior field agent sniggers. "You know you're so screwed, right?"

"I could say you took it," McGee counters. "She'd believe me; you're always taking her stuff."

"Except...if I were to make up a lie about taking her stuff, I would make sure she wasn't here first." Tony flicks his finger at something behind McGee.

Turning around with dread, McGee finds that Ziva has snuck up on him and is now glaring him down. "Open your mouth," she growls.

His hand flies to his mouth. "What?"

Ziva leans forward and sniffs threateningly. "I can smell it. _You ate my Nutter Butter._"

"No I didn't!"

"Then why are you standing at my desk?"

McGee sputters. "Tony's standing at your desk too! Why aren't you asking him?"

"Because Tony does not smell of guilt." She inches slowly towards the junior field agent, making him back up against her desk. "What could you possibly have done today to make you smell of guilt, hmm McGee? Updated Gibbs's computer, perhaps? Killed a puppy? _Eaten my Nutter Butter?_"

"Please let me keep something," McGee begs.

"I am considering it. Tony!" She looks over McGee's shoulder at Tony. "Which part of him do you think I should spare?"

"Probably his hands," Tony answers with rather too much glee. "He needs it for all that techy...wizardry...stuff he does."

"Which hand?"

"He's left-handed, so...take his left."

Ziva whips out her knife and narrows her eyes menacingly, and McGee gulps in horror. "Uh...Ziva, no! I'm sorry. I'll buy you another one."

"You will buy me two."

"Uh..."

"Do it, McGee," Gibbs advises as he passes on the way to Abby's lab.

"I'll buy you two," McGee hastily nods as Ziva's eyes narrow even more.

"And then you will stay away from my desk, yes?"

"I'll stay away from your desk."

Satisfied, Ziva stows her knife away and sits down, watching McGee like a hawk.

"I'll go get you those Nutter Butters now," McGee hesitantly tells her, and she stays silent. "Okay..." He wanders off.

Tony parks himself on Ziva's desk. "You looked like you were really gonna cut off his hand."

She turns her attention to him. "You never know, Tony; I might have."

"Does that mean you'll cut off my hands if I take your stuff?"

"There are other things to cut off."

"Like...my legs?"

She shrugs. "Maybe."

"That's creepy," he informs her, and she grins at him.

**[Phoof]**


	4. Elevator, Part 1

**Okay! This one is slightly different; it's part of a four-chapter arc that I will...hopefully be updating quickly. Haha. It has slight bits of Tiva, but is limited to the canon relationship.**

**If you read it, please review!**

**Loves, **

**-_Soph_**

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**Prompt: McGee, Tony, and Ziva are stuck inside the elevator and have no way of getting out. (by MaisMens on FFN)**

"Oh no, not again!" Tony grumbles as the elevator lights go off. Ziva immediately starts trying to pry open the doors.

"What do you mean, again?" McGee begins pacing around like a trapped animal. "The last time it stopped without one of you pulling the emergency brakes Ziva and I were in it. You weren't."

"I know, but I felt for you," Tony answers with mock sympathy.

"Tony, you took-"

"Will one of you help me with this?" Ziva interrupts in annoyance.

"You're not the Incredible Hulk, Ziva," Tony replies, looking upon her efforts sympathetically. "You can feel the bad guys coming from a mile away, but I don't think even you can pull apart two sheets of metal held together by a machine."

"There is no harm trying, as I do not want to be stuck in an elevator with both of you for many hours." She throws up her hands in exasperation.

"But we're having such a nice conversation."

"Exactly."

"Oh c'mon, you know you love my charm.

"I would rather deal McGee's claustrophobia."

"I don't have claustrophobia," McGee cuts in indignantly.

"You certainly act like you do! Will you stop moving around? You are making me dizzy." She frowns at the junior field agent.

"Do you have claustrophobia, Ziva?" Tony asks with interest.

"No, but I have a low tolerance for noisy people."

"You know, you usually don't find me noisy."

"That's because your voice is considerably softer in wide open spaces," McGee says, snickering.

Tony grabs his chest dramatically. "You hurt me, Probie. I've always thought that my movie quotes are very attention-grabbing."

Ziva rolls her eyes. Suddenly, Abby's voice drifts in from outside the elevator.

"Guys, guys! Gibbs told me you were trapped! I got in touch with the people from Maintenance, and they say they'll get the elevator working in three hours!"

The three field agents stare at one another in abject horror.


	5. Elevator, Part 2

_Hour One_

"McGee, you are still pacing!" Ziva says in irritation from her spot on the floor, where she is seated beside Tony.

"Sorry Ziva, I just…" McGee tapers off fretfully.

"Do not apologize, it is a-"

"-sign of weakness, I know." He sighs.

"Why don't you join us here on the floor, Probie?" Tony pipes up. "It's nice and comfy."

"I just…I can't…"

"What is the issue here, McGee? We are going to be trapped here for three hours; you might as well sit."

McGee sits after one look at the expression on Ziva's face.

Tony grins. "There, now don't you feel better?" The junior field agent shifts uncomfortably in response. "Alright, let's play a game."

"What game?" Ziva asks warily.

"Truth or Dare. Ever played it?"

"As a matter of fact I have, and I am not looking forward to playing it with you."

"Why? Got some secrets you don't wanna talk about? Some skeletons in your closet?"

Ziva's eyes widen in shock. "Tony, I do not keep skeletons in my closet!"

"It's a _saying_, Ziva," Tony explains, half in exasperation and half in fondness. "It means you have dark secrets that you can't tell anyone about."

"Oh. Well, I have those."

"That's why we're playing this game. C'mon, we'll rock-paper-scissors to see who goes first."

"Do we have to, Tony?" McGee asks unwillingly.

"Unless you wanna go first, McProbie."

McGee reluctantly holds out his hand. He, Tony, and Ziva play Rock-Paper-Scissors.

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**Okay, I'll admit that I wasn't very nice to make Ziva misunderstand the saying, haha. Coming from a culture where English isn't anyone's native language, I don't like making Ziva misunderstand sayings/idioms/American colloquialisms, because...well we don't always get them wrong! But Ziva-isms and anything similar is part of canon, so, oh well...**

**I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading; please review!**

**-_Soph_**


	6. Elevator, Part 3

_Hour 2_

"Oh, not again!" Ziva exclaims in frustration as Tony wins yet another round of Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Tony smirks. "Scared I'll ask you a question, Ziva?"

"You have _only _been asking _me_ questions so far."

"True. I'll ask Probie this time, then. Probie, truth or dare?"

McGee hesitates. "Truth. Um, dare."

"You do realize you have to pick one option, right?"

"Yeah. Truth," McGee answers sheepishly.

"Okay, here's your question. You ever been in love?"

"Um…um…yes…"

Tony leans forward, his eyes sparkling. "This is intriguing…with whom?"

"It's only one question at a time, Tony."

"Hmm." He frowns. "Ziva, if you win the next round of Rock-Paper-Scissors, you know what to ask Probie."

"I am not ganging up on him with you," Ziva retorts.

"Guess that answers the question of who he's in love with."

"Ew, no!" McGee and Ziva cry simultaneously, identical expressions of repulsion on their faces.

Tony grins. "Sounding guiltier and guiltier. Next round!"

They play Rock-Paper-Scissors again, and this time McGee wins.

"Ahah! I win. Now you have to answer my question, Tony."

"I could always choose 'dare'," Tony counters.

McGee raises his eyebrows. "Do you?"

"I'm gettin' kinda tired of answering questions, so okay. I choose 'dare', Probie."

McGee smirks. "Bad choice, Tony. Elevator's really small. Not many dares you can do."

"Doesn't have to be something I have to do immediately, does it?"

"No, but I want it to be. Your dare is to kiss Ziva."

"_What?_" Ziva yelps in horror.

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**Okay, I know. I make them sound a bit like teenage girls. In my defense, I'm barely post-pubescent myself! Lol. Please review!**

**-_Soph_**


	7. Elevator, Part 4

**Just for this chapter, the rating is T.**

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_Hour 3_

"Hey, the maintenance guys have almost got the elevator running!" Abby yells into the elevator.

"Finally," Ziva sighs with relief. "Can we stop playing?"

"I thought you were having fun, Ziva," Tony says, looking slightly hurt.

"With this testosterone-filled competition between you and McGee?" She snorts. "I do not think so."

"You got away easy," McGee grumbles. "Tony hasn't asked you any questions since the first few that he asked you."

"He asked me how I like to have sex. At least he did not ask you."

"It'd be a bit weird if I asked Probie," Tony points out. "I don't really wanna know how he has sex. But I found your answer very informative."

"I have already told you before that I like it on top."

"True, but there are always the minor details…"

"Okay, will you two stop before you lunge on each other or something?" McGee interrupts.

"I am not going to _lunge _onto him!" Ziva huffs indignantly.

Tony scowls. "Hey, I'll have you know that I'm very desirable. And you seemed to enjoy the kiss."

"I…" Ziva freezes. The elevator jerks just then. "Oh, thank goodness."

The elevator stops again and plunges into darkness.

"No!" She bangs her fist against the elevator wall.

Tony smirks. "Guess you're gonna have to complete that sentence, after all."

"I thank God this elevator is in darkness," McGee's voice says from the shadows.

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**And here ends the elevator arc! I hope you guys enjoyed, haha. Normal scenes from next chapter onwards.**

**Please review! Also, prompts, anyone? Just one-liners with a topic that I can run with...**

**-_Soph_**


	8. Sneaking In

**New prompt, new scene! Hehe. Enjoy, please review!**

**-_Soph_**

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**Prompt: McGee, Tony, and Ziva don't have a warrant so they work together to sneak into a building for the evidence that they need. (by ShortSarcasm on FFN)**

"Why are we doing this again?" Ziva asks.

"Cause we don't have a warrant," Tony replies.

"I know, but why are we not waiting for a warrant like normal investigators would?"

"Because we're not normal investigators. C'mon, I'll give you a boost."

Ziva sighs and allows him to boost her. "I cannot go in!" she says as she comes to a stop in front of the air vent.

"Yes you can, just squeeze a little bit."

"That is not what I meant," she growls tetchily. "I cannot go in, because the cover is screwed shut. McGee, did you bring the screwdriver?"

She holds out her hand without looking back, and McGee slips a screwdriver into it. "Here." Removing the screws, she hands the air vent cover to McGee and climbs into the vent.

Tony turns to McGee. "Who's going next?"

"Well, I'm not boosting you," McGee tells him.

"And _I'm _boosting you?"

"We could flip a coin for it."

"Good idea." Tony pats his pockets for a coin and finds one.

"Hey, are you two joining me anytime soon?" Ziva's voice floats out of the vent.

"We're flipping a coin to decide who boosts who," Tony calls up.

"Does it really matter? One of you just come up here and the other keep guard!"

"You know you sound like Gibbs sometimes!" He turns to McGee and tosses the coin. "Call it."

"Heads!"

Tony checks the coin. "Tails. Now boost me."

"Who says the one who loses is the one who does the boosting?" challenges McGee.

"I do, since I'm the one who won."

McGee rolls his eyes and reluctantly squats down to let Tony sit on his shoulders.

"Seriously, do you know how heavy you are?" He groans as he lifts Tony.

"Hey! Watch your words. I'm not heavy. I may not be in the best of shape, but I'm not heavy." Tony clambers into the vent.

"You weigh as much as a baby elephant!" McGee calls after him.

"How do you know how much a baby elephant weighs?" Tony's voice yells back.

McGee is quiet.

"Mmhmm."

"Come on, move!" Ziva's voice snaps.


	9. Driving Skills

**Prompt: A scene on Ziva's driving skills. (by Tivaholic on FFN)**

"I am driving back," Ziva says, holding up the car keys as they leave the neighbourhood where they have been interviewing witnesses.

"How did you g- hey, you went through my bag?" Tony asks in indignation.

"Yes."

"You're not supposed to do that. And give me those." He lunges for the keys, but she sidesteps him. "McGee, get them from her!"

"McGee if you move, I will rip out your tonsils and force feed them to Tony," she warns.

The two male agents exchange alarmed looks.

"That's officially the creepiest thing you've ever said," McGee informs her, and she grins.

"Let her drive," Gibbs says from behind them. McGee turns to him.

"But Boss, she makes us throw up!"

"Better than losing your tonsils, McGee."

McGee grumbles and relents. They get to the car.

"The driver's seat is mine!" Ziva says happily. "Who is riding shotgun?"

"I am," Gibbs replies. "Let Tweedledum and Tweedledee sit in the backseat with their buckets of vomit."

"I actually liked that omelette I had for lunch." Tony scowls as they get into the car.

"Serves you right for letting her go through your bag, DiNozzo."

"I didn't! She must've…" He quails under Gibbs' glare. "Won't happen again, Boss."

"Well, what did _I _do to deserve this?" McGee speaks up.

The boss shrugs. "You have tonsils."

McGee frowns at Tony. "You know, this is all your fault."

"I know," his teammate says apologetically. "I'll polish all your action figures for you."

"I don't have action figures."

"Really? I just said I'll polish all your action figures, and that's what you choose to focus on?"

"If I don't have any, how – Ziva, car!" he yelps as Ziva speeds out of the lot.

"I saw it," Ziva answers evenly, and proceeds to spin the steering wheel.

"I hope you two brought your buckets," Gibbs says amidst the retching sound in the backseat.

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**For the unacquainted: Tweedledum and Tweedledee are fictional characters most well-known for being in Lewis Carroll's "Through the Looking-Glass".**

**Please review!**

**-_Soph_**


	10. Cologne

**I know the beginning sounds familiar, but the ending takes a path different from the Nutter Butter chapter, I promise! Lol. Please review, and thanks in advance!**

**-_Soph_**

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**Prompt: Ziva catches Tony going through McGee's desk drawers. (by xangels creationx on FFN)**

"Lose something, Tony?" Ziva asks, sneaking up to Tony.

"Ziva!" Tony slams the drawer shut. "Um yeah. I, um, I thought McProbie might have taken my cologne."

"You wear cologne?" She raises her eyebrows and sniffs him. Then she wrinkles her nose. "I cannot tell."

"It's faint cologne," he answers stiffly. "It adds a certain class and panache."

"Right." She peers over Tony's shoulder. "McGee!"

"Okay, you're just fooling with me." He laughs as he turns in the direction she is looking. His laughter dies on his lips. "Hey, Timmy."

"Tony." McGee stares at him warily. "What are you doing at my desk?"

"He says he is looking for his cologne," Ziva answers from behind him.

"You don't wear cologne," McGee says to him.

"Now how would you know that, McKnowItAll? Should I be alarmed?"

"No. I _know _you don't wear cologne, because if you did, there would be no question about you showering three times a week."

"Oh. Right." Tony pauses.

Gibbs strides in. "Gear up! We got a case!"

"Oh but Boss! I haven't found my cologne yet!" he protests.

"You wear cologne, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asks incredulously.

"_Why_ doesn't anyone believe that I wear cologne?"

"Because, Tony, if you wore cologne, I would not be able to smell you from here. And believe me, you do not smell like flowers," Ziva supplies from behind him.

"Roses, _Ziva_, and if I did smell like roses I'd be wearing perfume, not cologne." He smiles at McGee. "Probie's the one who uses feminine hand lotion. You should ask him about the rose-scented perfume."

"I'm not the one smelling like week-old socks here, Tony," McGee retorts.

"Yeah, you just smell of roses."

"You kids done with your chattin'?" Gibbs asks impatiently. "C'mon, we got a case!"

"On it!" all three Gibblets reply, grabbing their backpacks and following him out of the bullpen.


	11. Lost

**Prompt: McGee, Tony, and Ziva are lost in the woods. (by MaisMens on FFN)**

"Tony, I thought you said you knew where you were going," grumbles Ziva.

"I said I _knew_, Ziva. Well, I don't know anymore," Tony answers grouchily.

"You should have just given me the map."

"What would you have done with it, checked for unusual-looking trees?"

"I would have made better use of it than you."

"Guys, will you please stop?" McGee almost begs.

Tony stops walking and stares at him. "What's the matter, Probie, getting tired?"

"We've been walking in circles for two hours."

"They are hardly circles, McGee. Tony here has been leading us in oval shapes." Ziva shoots her partner a glare.

Said partner glares back. "Do you have a little magnet in you that tells you which direction we're going in? 'Cause we could certainly use it now."

"No, but I can see that our footsteps are in an oval shape, and that we have trodden over them twice."

"_That _you notice. Why don't you use your ninja senses and look for a footpath?"

"Because if I did, Tony, I would have missed this." She points to something on the ground. Tony walks over and studies the piece of evidence.

"Oh," he says, subdued.

Ziva smirks. "Looks like I am a better investigator than you are a guide."

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**This is a rather short one! Hehe. Prompts, anyone? C'mon, I'm running out. Lol. Please?**

**And please review! Thanks for reading!**

**-_Soph_**


	12. Stakeout

**Hi! Thank you very much to everyone who gave me a prompt! I won't be creating scenarios in the order that the prompts were given though, cause some require more...ah, thinking...than others. Haha.**

**Two warnings for this chapter: 1) There are several culturally related sentences in it; 2) It's rather gory. Not very, considering NCIS isn't exactly a kids' show, but I just thought I'd warn. (But it's still funny, in case you're wondering.)**

**The McNickname in this chapter is the brainchild of ShortSarcasm! I borrow...I hope you don't mind...all credit goes to you :D**

**Enjoy, please review!**

**-_Soph_**

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**Prompt: Team Gibbs is on a stakeout. (by Diana Teo on FFN)**

"Tony, get down!" Ziva hisses.

Tony ducks down beside her. "What? What's going on?"

"We are on a stakeout."

"_I know that. _I meant, why'd you ask me to get down?"

"Because you are dancing like a monkey and it is annoying me."

"That's your reason for asking me to get down?" he grumbles. "And by the way, monkeys don't dance."

"Yes they do," McGee cuts in. "You know those capuchin monkeys that used to work with the organ grinders in the-"

"Hey, McAnimalPlanet, can't you be on my side for once?" the senior field agent protests.

"Tony, I'm just saying-"

"Oh, forget it." Tony shifts awkwardly and sits with his back against the wall they are hiding behind. "I'm bored."

"You are like a child," Ziva mutters. Tony glances at her.

"Am I like a child or a monkey? 'Cause I'm pretty sure they're different, and you know, every parent would tell you that."

"You are like a childish monkey," she retorts without missing a beat.

"Is there even such a thing? Probie, is there even such a thing?" Tony turns to McGee.

"I don't know. Baby monkeys?"

"Nah. Then they'd just be child monkeys. I think they're probably grown-up monkeys with-"

"I cannot believe we are even having this conversation," Ziva groans.

"You're the one who brought it up," Tony reminds her.

"To make you shut up and sit down like a good boy. McGee, do you have any candy to keep him quiet?"

"Sorry, I used up my last bit with Hansel and Gretel." Ziva narrows her eyes threateningly at McGee.

"Since when'd you get so well-acquainted with fairy tales?" Tony asks with interest.

"I am a _writer_, Tony?"

"Yeah, but you don't write fairy tales. You write like, stories where there's blood spattered all over the walls and brain matter slowly oozing down-"

"That is gross, Tony." Ziva makes a face.

"You say it like you haven't done it before."

"I have never deliberately spattered someone's brain matter onto the walls."

"So you've accidentally done it before?"

She pauses. "Not yet."

"What do you mean, 'not yet'?"

"If you do not shut up now, I may accidentally kill you and spatter your brain matter onto the walls."

Tony turns pale and falls silent, while McGee doubles up into silent laughter beside him.


	13. Pain Meds

**Warnings: This fic contains mentions of computer-animated action film _How to Train Your Dragon. _They don't really count as spoilers though, so no worries! This fic also contains TIVA.**

**Credit for the story line goes to Kim (TrueRomantic)! I just wrote out the conversation :P**

**Enjoy, please review!**

**-_Soph_**

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**Prompt: Tony gets injured and goes on pain meds. (by TrueRomantic on FFN)**

"Did you know that William Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway in 1582?" Tony announces as he arrives at the bullpen. "Yes, Anne Hathaway…I wonder if she's the same Anne Hathaway…can people live for five hundred years, Probie?"

"They give him pain meds again, Boss?" McGee asks in puzzlement as Gibbs strides in behind Tony.

Gibbs stops and glares at Tony. "Too many."

Ziva laughs. "This should be interesting."

"What are you laughing at, Ziva?" Tony pouts. "This is a valid scientific question. It may change the world."

"Really? And how will it?" Ziva grins and leans forward at her desk, humouring him.

"Don't encourage him, Ziver," Gibbs advises.

"Well, you see…" Tony stops and frowns at McGee. "Probie, you smell of falafels."

"What? Not me! Ziva's the one who ate a falafel."

Tony grins at the ninja. "Ziva, come here. Let me smell you."

Ziva furrows her brows. "I am not going to let you smell me, Tony."

"But you smell so good! Ow!" Tony yelps as Gibbs slaps him squarely on the head.

"You're not gettin' off easy just 'cause you're on pain meds," the boss warns.

"My arm hurts."

"Not gettin' off easy just 'cause you're in pain, either."

"Okay," Tony replies sadly, and wanders over to Ziva as Gibbs crosses the bullpen to sit down. He drops down onto his elbows and smiles dreamily at the female agent, his face mere inches from hers. "You know I once dated a Viking."

"What?" Ziva asks, startled.

Gibbs sighs. "Oh, here we go again."

"Yeah," Tony answers very seriously, ignoring Gibbs. "Her name was Astrid, and she was beautiful."

"Tony, that's a character from _How to Train Your Dragon_," McGee tells him impatiently.

Ziva peers past Tony to look at her teammate. "How do you know that, McGee?"

"I watched the movie with Abby. She has a thing for computer animation."

"Why isn't anyone listening to me?" Tony complains.

McGee rolls his eyes. "Please, continue."

"She was beautiful, and she loved me. She thought I was awesome. I am awesome with women," Tony informs Ziva.

Ziva snorts. "This brings the narcissism to a whole new level."

"Hey! I _am _awesome with women. They love me very much."

"I'm sure they do, Tony," McGee says wryly.

"Tony, go sit down before I break your other arm," Gibbs snaps.

"No." The senior field agent suddenly leans forward and presses a kiss to Ziva's lips.

Gibbs picks up a rolled-up bundle of papers on his desk and throws it at Tony's head, causing the senior field agent to break the kiss with a protest. "DiNozzo!"

Tony rubs his head. "I just wanted to show you guys how awesome I am with women."

"Do that in your own time. Now _go sit down_."

Grumbling, Tony moves back to his own desk and sinks down into his chair. "I miss my Viking."

Ziva smiles as she goes back to work, ignoring the blush that is now tingeing her cheeks.


	14. Desk

**Prompt: Ziva under Tony's desk. (by Alidiabin on FFN)**

"Ack!" Tony jumps back from his desk. "Damnit."

"What is the matter?" Ziva asks without looking up from her computer.

"Stabbed my leg with something. There's something sticking outta my desk. It's been there for a few days." Tony rubs his leg.

"Let me see." Ziva pushes away from her desk and crosses over to Tony's, crawling under it.

Tony sticks his head under the desk. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, why am I? You have a screw loose."

"What? No I don't!"

"_Your desk,_ Tony. There is a screw loose in your desk."

"Oh. Can you fix it?"

"Yes, I can." Ziva crawls out from under his desk and heads over to hers, taking out a screwdriver from one of her drawers.

"You keep a screwdriver in your desk?" McGee asks in puzzlement, watching her walk back to Tony.

"I keep several," Ziva answers as she ducks back under the desk.

"Why?" McGee mouths at Tony. Tony shrugs.

"I can hear you," Ziva warns from her spot.

Tony sits down and peers at her. "You can hear me shrug?"

"Yes, and I heard McGee ask you why I keep screwdrivers in my desk. I have sensitive ears."

"I bet. Why _do _you keep screwdrivers in your desk?"

"Done. I-"

"Gear up!" Gibbs barks as he strides into the bullpen. He frowns. "Where's Ziver?"

McGee shoots Tony a look, and for reasons only known to himself, Tony turns slightly red.

"Um…" he begins. "Ahh…"

"I am here, Gibbs." Ziva comes out from under the desk.

Gibbs's eyes narrow. "David, what were you doing under DiNozzo's desk?"

"I was fixing his screw."

"What?"

"My desk, Boss," Tony hastens to clarify. "My desk had a loose screw."

Gibbs rolls his eyes. "Grab your gear. And Ziver, next time get someone from Maintenance to do it. I don't want you under DiNozzo's desk again."

"Yes, Gibbs."

The Gibblets grab their backpacks and follow their leader.

"So why do you have screwdrivers in your desk, again?" Tony asks Ziva.

"They make for good weapons."

McGee shudders. "Seriously Ziva, some days I think you'll kill me while I'm asleep."

She laughs. "Do not worry McGee, I am more likely to kill Tony."

"What?" Tony yelps. "_Why?_"

"Because I would get satisfaction out of watching you scream like a little girl."

Tony moves to stand closer to Gibbs, and Ziva chuckles happily.

* * *

**Mmm...yea, okay, this wasn't my favourite. Lol. Sorry Alice! My muse decided to throw a tantrum because I wouldn't give her heart-shaped candy.**

**I hope you guys liked it, though! As usual, please review, and thanks for reading!**

**-_Soph_**


	15. Boat

**Prompt: Tony, McGee, and Ziva have found out how to get Gibbs' boat out of his basement. (by oldmoviewatcher on FFN)**

"Oh my god," Tony utters as they stare at the boat.

"Wait. That's it," McGee says in shock, as if he cannot believe his eyes.

"It appears to be the case," Ziva replies, even though McGee has not asked a question.

"That's _it_?"

"Yes McGee, that is it."

Tony looks at the younger male agent. "Having trouble processing the idea, Probie?"

McGee pauses. "Well yeah…a bit."

"Yeah, me too," Tony admits, and McGee gapes at him.

Ziva shakes her head. "Trust Gibbs to come up with such an idea."

The man himself comes down the stairs. "What are you three doin' staring at my boat?"

They gaze wide-eyed at him as Tony speaks up. "We've figured out how you get your boats out of the basement."

Gibbs smirks. "Oh?"

"No nails, Boss?" McGee asks uncertainly.

"Nope."

Ziva frowns. "No glue?"

"Nope."

"Screws?" Tony offers hopefully.

"Nope. Not a one."

The three Gibblets exchange looks.

"Won't it fall apart in the water, Boss?" Tony finally asks.

"You an idiot, DiNozzo? I build it first, and then take the pieces apart and put it together permanently when I get it where I want it to be. _Then _I put it in the water."

"Oh."

McGee, Tony, and Ziva look at one another again.

"So…" McGee ventures to say, "the secret of building a boat that can be taken out of the basement is as simple as making the pieces fit well?"

"Yep."

As they lock eyes once more, all three Gibblets breathe out in admiration. "Wow…"

* * *

**Fun fact: There are wooden houses made entirely _without _nails. And glue, and screws. The things holding it together? Gravity, and a good fit.**

**Okay...I cheated a bit with this one, haha. They weren't technically getting the boat out of the basement. But I figured that in order to do that, they'd have to figure out how it was built first.**

**I hope you enjoyed; please review!**

**-_Soph_**


	16. Undercover

**Prompt: In order to catch a suspect, McGee and Ziva have to be undercover for a while. (by ShortSarcasm on FFN)**

McGee walks into the bullpen, which is empty apart from Tony.

"Really, McGee?" Tony puts down his pen and stares at the junior field agent. "A writer's getup?"

"Well, our suspect is a gentleman of refined tastes. I figure he would appreciate that I'm a writer."

"It's just an undercover job, Probie. And you can't really write."

"My book sales beg to differ."

Tony sniggers. "Okay, _McRefinedTastes_. You know writers don't really wear tweed jackets with patches on their elbows, right?"

"Leave him alone, Tony," Ziva says, sweeping into the bullpen. "He likes the jacket."

"I just figured that, you know, in order to get the suspect to talk, he needs to _look_ at least a bit realistic. And why are you dressed like that?" He eyes her up and down.

"I am his wife."

Tony splutters. "You? You, the tweed-jacketed writer's _wife_? No one would believe that…it's like the beauty and the geek!"

"Exactly. That sort of thing intrigues people, yes?" She stands in front of his desk and smiles down at him.

"Am I the only one who thinks this is like walking into some bizarre universe where everyone is their alter egos?"

Ziva tilts her head and studies him. "You are not your alter ego. If you were, you would be a lot more handsome."

He clutches his chest melodramatically. "That hurt me."

"I was hoping it would."

"Your alter ego is mean."

She chuckles as Gibbs comes into the bullpen. "Gibbs, we are ready."

The leader stops short as he takes in the scene before him. "McGee, what the hell is that?"

McGee looks down at his costume. "Tweed jacket, Boss."

"Don't you think it's a bit much?"

McGee turns red. "Ummm…uhhh…"

"Do not worry, Gibbs," Ziva assures the boss. "I will make sure he takes it off before we meet with the suspect."

"I like this jacket," McGee says sadly as he shrugs it off under Gibbs's unrelenting glare.

"Wear it to a costume party," Gibbs answers gruffly.

"Or to one of your role-playing sessions with Abby," Tony adds.

"DiNozzo!"

"Shutting up, Boss."

Gibbs rolls his eyes and beckons to McGee and Ziva. "You two, with me, now. DiNozzo, gas the car."

"On it!"

"And no playing with McGee's jacket!" Gibbs yells as he leaves the bullpen, cutting short the evil cackle that had risen from the middle of it.

* * *

**Hehe...I took some poetic liberties with the prompt. But they can't _all _be undercover, and it's more fun to make Tony jealous than to get Tiva all hot and sweaty in 400 words.**

**I hope you enjoyed! Please review!**

**-_Soph_**

**P.S. I'm running out of prompts again, haha...**


	17. CafPow!

**Prompt: The power to Abby's lab is cut off and she is stuck inside, without any Caf-Pow! (by Tivaholic on FFN)**

"No!" Abby cries as the power goes off. "Get the door, Timmy! Get the door!"

"What?" McGee hurries to the door and tests it. "It's locked."

"Urgh, I _knew _I shouldn't have locked it." She sticks her hands onto her hips. "This is all your fault."

"How is it my fault?" he protests indignantly.

"You were the one who came in and told me you had a secret that couldn't go beyond these walls. That door is a _hole _in the walls, Timmy, I had to lock it!"

"And that's my fault?"

"Well, if you hadn't had a secret!"

"Abby, what are you panicking about? They will have the power back up soon."

She holds up a huge empty cup. "I have no more Caf-Pow!"

"That's your reason for panicking?"

"Do you know me at all? McGee, it's Caf-Pow! Leaving me without it is like sending Gibbs into a crime scene without his obligatory morning cup of coffee."

Right on cue, the boss calls through the door. "Abby!"

"Gibbs!" Abby hurries to the door and presses her hands against it. "Isn't the elevator down? How did you get here?"

"Stairs. Are you and McGee alright?"

"Timmy's alright. I have no Caf-Pow!"

"Gonna have to wait it out, Abs. Power will be back up soon."

"Why does everyone keep saying that? "Soon" is not a precisely calculable time period, Gibs!"

"Yeah, but I can't help you."

"Couldn't you send me some Caf-Pow! or something? Like, through a window?"

"I don't think Vance would appreciate my breaking a window just to send you some caffeine."

"I'll pay for the glass…"

"Abby."

"I'll wait it out." She sighs.

"Good girl. I'm going back upstairs; see you and McGee later."

Abby walks sadly away from the laboratory door.

"Come on, let's play a game," McGee tells her. "First person who figures out what's in a Caf-Pow! wins."

A smile lights up Abby's face as she races to find out the ingredients of her favourite drink.

* * *

**McAbby friendship/fluff chapter! ^^ I hope y'all liked! Please review!**

**-_Soph_**


	18. Baby

**Prompt: Tony and Ziva have to watch a baby. (by MarisaC on FFN)**

"Ziver, watch the baby 'til his mum comes back." Gibbs hands Ziva the baby.

"Why don't I get to question the witness?" Ziva protests.

"Because you have to watch the baby." Gibbs shrugs, and leaves the bullpen with McGee and the witness.

Ziva scowls after him, and then smiles down at the baby. "Hi."

The baby gurgles.

"Whoa…how long was I gone?"

Ziva rolls her eyes. "He is not mine, Tony."

Tony leans over the cubicle wall and grins. "Hospital or neighbour?"

"What?"

"Did you steal him from the hospital or kidnap him from your neighbour?"

She glares at Tony. "His mother is being questioned by Gibbs."

He reaches a finger over the wall for the baby to curl his hand around. "Hi, baby." The baby tightens his grip and Tony winces. "He's got quite a grip."

"You are such a baby," Ziva scoffs.

"Hey! _He's _the baby, not me." Tony winces again as the baby tightens his grip further. "And are we even sure that he's a baby and not the Incredible Hulk in disguise?"

"Why would the Incredible Hulk disguise himself as a baby?"

He nods at the baby's eyes. "Cause those eyes can _fool _people."

"Into what?"

"Into _trust_." His grin widens.

She furrows her brows. "Tony, is this another one of your conspiracy theories?"

"Only of the best kind."

"Your theories are never of the best kind. They are all nonsensical."

"Hey! Sure, hit a man where he hurts," he grumbles.

She laughs lowly. "I can think of a few other places where you would hurt."

Tony's eyes widen. "I take it back. You are the sweetest, most benevolent, most majestic woman on Earth. Please don't hit me."

She tilts her head. "Okay. And thank you."

The baby fusses.

"What do we do?" She asks in alarm.

"You're asking me? Do I look like a mother to you?"

"Do _I _look like a mother?"

"You're the one holding the baby."

"Get Gibbs.

"And tell him what, to breastfeed the baby?"

"No, you idiot. The diaper bag is with the mother, who is with Gibbs. The baby needs changing."

"Oh."

Tony walks away, and comes back holding a diaper bag. He hands it to Ziva and rubs the back of his head.

"I hope this baby is worth that headslap."

She laughs as they walk towards the men's room. "Get used to it. You will have your own one day."

"Well at least Boss won't headslap me for it."

"I would not count on it."

"Why would he?"

"Because you are Tony. Here." She hands him the diaper bag and the baby, holding the door to the men's room open for him. "It is good training."

Grumbling, Tony heads inside to change the baby.

* * *

**Okay, guys. I have two more prompts left, and then I'm thinking of ending this series. What do you think? I'd appreciate some feedback.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**-_Soph_**


	19. Coffees

**Credit for the story line goes to ShortSarcasm! I changed it a bit though, ummm...I hope you like it anyway?**

**Please review!**

**-S_oph_**

* * *

**Prompt: Tony complains about how it is not fair that he has to buy all the coffee. (by ShortSarcasm on FFN)**

"Alright, here's your coffee," Tony growls as he hands Ziva a cup of coffee.

She smirks and takes the coffee, raising her eyebrows. "Grumpy, Tony?"

"I had to stand in line for _half an hour_. And I have to do this every day!" He stomps across the bullpen to give McGee his coffee.

"Well, you were the one who put frogs in our lunches," McGee says as he accepts the coffee.

"It was a joke! And a good one. Don't you have any sense of humour?" Tony places a cup of coffee on Gibbs's desk.

"It flew out the window when my lunch started croaking," McGee informs him.

"Consider this payback, yes?" Ziva adds in. "We all know how much you hate to wait. Besides, it is only for a month."

"A month!" Tony groans and falls into his chair. "Can't you just paint my teeth blue again?"

Ziva tilts her head contemplatively. "I would…but that would be unoriginal."

"That, and you hate waiting more than you hate walking around with blue teeth."

Ziva points her pen approvingly at McGee. "Agreed."

"Oh c'mon," Tony whines. "You guys loved that frog prank."

McGee stares at him. "Tony, we spent an hour looking for _amphibians _under the desks."

"Yeah, but you guys still loved it."

"On what level?" Ziva asks impatiently. "You are lucky Gibbs did not make you look for the frogs alone."

"He's lucky Gibbs didn't headslap him into the future with the way that frog jumped out of the bag."

"He has a better sense of humour than you two," Tony grumbles.

"Do I, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asks in amusement from behind him.

He pales. "Yes Boss, a very good sense of humour. And a good heart."

Gibbs smirks as he walks around the cubicle wall to take Tony's coffee away. "Explains why I'm not _headslapping you into the future_. Get to work! All three of you."

Sitting down at his desk, the team leader enjoys his coffee with satisfaction as the other three agents go back to work.


	20. Snapshots

**Prompt: The messing-around snapshots they take of one another at crime scenes. (by diana teo on FFN)**

As they are collecting evidence, McGee trips over the edge of a carpet and falls.

"Clumsy much, Probie?" Tony asks, turning around to take a snapshot of the junior field agent.

"Put that away." McGee scowls.

"Or what?" Tony takes another picture.

"Or I'll-"

"Gotta think faster if you want to threaten me." Tony presses down on the camera button again. Ziva pushes it away and helps McGee up.

"Put that away, Tony."

"Why?" Tony pouts. "It's fun bullying McGoo."

"Because I said so."

He stares at her. "Seriously, you sound like my mum."

She chuckles and tilts her head, giving him a faint smile. "Your mum would not do more than threaten you…"

Tony puts the camera away.

"Good boy."

"It was a good shot," Tony grumbles. "I'd show you, but I don't want to."

She laughs. "Who says I want to look?"

"Trust me, you'd want to. McGoo with his limbs all tangled up? This is quality stuff here."

"Tony, don't you have anything better to do than to take snapshots of us?" McGee asks in exasperation as he goes back to work.

"At a scene with lots of blood and heart-shaped calling cards, yes. Here, with a shaggy white carpet and nothing but a body on it…well, ya kinda run out of things to photograph after you're done with the body."

"Go photograph the rest of the house."

"They're not as pretty as you."

McGee shoots the senior field agent an odd look. "You think I'm photogenic?"

Tony shrugs. "Not as much as I am."

"Do you two need a room?" Ziva interrupts.

"I need an aspirin," McGee mutters.

Ziva rubs her temples. "I think I do, too."

"Aww, cute!" Tony exclaims. "Togetherness in suffering. How 'bout a group photo? Anyone?"

* * *

**Bromance! Hehe. And a teenage-acting Tony.**

**And that's the last chapter of this series! Thanks a million to everyone for reading! AND for giving prompts, favouriting, reviewing, and otherwise supporting :)**

**See you in another story, guys! *Waves***

**-_Soph_**


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